Just a couple hours ago, my aunt who lives in the states Skype-called me to talk to me about some things. One, she’s sending my favourite tea leaf bags through air mail because Mighty Leaf tea does not ship to Singapore, sadly. Just so you know, their “Green Tea Passion” green tea is bloody amazing, you have no idea! (And its light caffeine!) So yay for more good tea!
But on a more serious note, the second thing was that she wanted to talk me into coming over to her place. She has been doing this for a very long time now, ever since I was still in my pre-teens. Back then, it sounded ridiculous - I couldn’t find enough time to travel there and I could never save up that much money while studying in mainstream government schools. But now, at 19, and graduating in less than 6 months, the idea seems more vivid and workable.
Of course, the idea of graduation is extremely daunting. 6 months is not that long and before you know it, I’ll be in my graduation robes and receiving my diploma. But what do I do after that? I’ve been running away from that dread of making huge life decisions in that near future, but I know I cannot run away forever, or even hide from it. Eventually, it will come knocking on my door and beat some sense into me, saying
"When the hell are you gonna start getting a life for yourself? You’re better than this!"
Now, I’ve been through many transitions in my 19 years of life. Kindergarten to primary school to secondary school to polytechnic. Yeah, been there, done that. But you have to agree with me that those are very petty issues compared to this one where its transitioning from school to work life. Maybe its just me, but as a person who doesn’t deal with change very well, its a pretty big deal.
And because its a big deal, I’ve never really sat down and thought about what I would do once I’ve graduated.
Will I continue working for the company I interned for?
Will I continue studying into university?
Will I get married?
Will I find some other field of career?
Will I be happy?
These questions haunt me whenever I try to think about the dreaded ‘After Graduation Plans’. But running away isn’t going to work forever.
That is why when I had this talk with my aunt, about going over to the states and looking at the opportunities a foreign country brings, my view widened. I’ve been tormented with depression-like symptoms over the past few weeks and my outlook on life hasn’t been looking so great. But now that someone has pried into and past my barriers and showed me the possibilities of the what the world has in store, it honestly feels refreshing. It feels like there is a chance for me to find my potential, my passion, my self. My aunt also said something that was really an eye-opener:
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
I don’t know what the future brings, and it can be daunting at times. Yeah, graduation means you have to start work life, you have to be a responsible adult, you have to make plenty life decisions. But graduation can also mean diving into all the opportunities that the world brings and discovering something new about yourself. There are plenty of daunting things that will stop you from doing something, but all you have to do is take a chance and trust yourself.
Take things slow, do them wholeheartedly and believe.
Whether or not I take this chance totally and make it to the end, which is to purchase a flight ticket to Ohio with all my savings, I don’t know. No one knows what the future will bring, but I’ve always believed that you can control which lane you’re taking in that expressway called life: the half-assed lane or the full-throttle lane. Ultimately, its your choice, its your life.
Thanks for reading <3
Izzie x
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