'In Between' | A metaphor for social anxiety

Well, hey there rainbow sprinklers! I did not plan to write this blog post or anything like that. It was a normal evening and I was scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard when I came across this particular post. As it is titled, it says "The blue crocodile in this short film is one of the best metaphor for depression". However, the GIFs following that did not coincide with my knowledge of depression.

Now, I do not have long-term depression, but I do have them at some times every month - its a girl thing. So I understand what depression feels like, and it definitely isn't like what was depicted in the visuals. However, I must say that I relate closely to every single GIF and that's when I realize - the crocodile is a metaphor for social anxiety.

(I must add, though, that some people associate the crocodile to shyness as well. I have no objections with that, but for this blog post, I have a heavy preference towards social anxiety.)

So now, I'm gonna explain intricately on why I love this video so much, and why it is a very educational film at that.

What is the film about? 

The film is named 'In Between' by Gobelins, a film production crew that originates from France, I assume. As stated in the description box, the video is about "a young woman (who) is being followed by a crocodile who represents her shyness. As he makes her life a living (hell), she tries by every means to get rid of him."

How is it a metaphor? 

Instance 1: You can't get rid of it 

The start of the video, after the woman was diagnosed of having a "crocodile", she tried to get rid of it by throwing it out of the window/balcony. Oh boy, if only it were that easy - I would have been a social bug right now, making many great new friends easily.  I've thrown my crocodile out the window so many times for the past 10 years and its still here. It's not going anywhere. It's staying with me for life, and I've come to terms with it.

Instance 2: It follows you everywhere

Now, this imagery is so strong and I really love it. I already find it annoying when someone or something is constantly on your tail. So to have such an annoying thing like social anxiety constantly breathing down your neck, it will affect your daily life and it does eventually. What happens in this GIF here is only just the tip of the iceberg.

Instance 3: It affects your presentations 

Yes, yes, I know. All of us have this. It is very common for everybody to get very nervous and sometimes anxious during presentations, especially towards superiors.  But for those with social anxiety, no matter how prepared you are, no matter how many courses you take in presentation skills, the crocodile is there to muck up your presentation, whether or not you can see the crocodile.

 know it sounds crazy, but as someone with social anxiety, we are constantly pressured and stressed about people's judgments and presentations are the last things we enjoy doing. And then we also have to deal with our social anxiety that constantly throws us off throughout the whole presentation. And it doesn't only happen for presentations - public speaking, stage performances, etc.

Instance 4: Trying to make an impression to a cute person

I cannot stress how true this is. There were plenty - and by plenty, I mean PLENTY A LOT - of times when I've wanted to approach people that caught my eyes, whether they were cute or not but guess who tried to screw me up? You guessed it, bloody social anxiety.

Now, this is pretty normal to many, considering its normal to be nervous when approaching strangers, right? But with social anxiety, you'll be dead in your tracks, staring at the person from afar and your mind raging with negative thoughts, overthinking about the other party judging you for your mistakes or your stumbles or your looks or you - the list can go on. To put it bluntly, social anxiety can be a cockblocker.

Instance 5: Social anxiety controls you when you're out in public 

This part was really short in the video but it is the most accurate of all - I just cannot stress how important this part was. This is when the crocodile constantly made circles around the woman while she was having coffee by herself at a cafe.

Now, before I continue, I am also an introvert - I greatly value solitude. I've been in many situations where I am always alone amongst a bunch of other sociable people. Don't get me wrong - I am not anti-social, I can talk to people just fine. But sometimes it can get overwhelming and I would prefer having some alone time to 'recharge'. Introverts will understand this trait very well.

So because I love solitude, doesn't mean I despise interacting with new people. I love meeting new people, but when the crocodile is on a rampage it stops me completely. And if you look closely, the woman has a very bored look. Trust me, I get sick of my crocodile controlling my social activities outside.

Instance 6: Picking up phone calls

To some, this may seem very absurd. Even when I think about it, I can't even explain myself how this works, but it happens.

Before I knew I had social anxiety, I've always had this fear of picking up phone calls - plainly because I was afraid of the person at the other end of the line judging how I sounded on the phone. I still do but it isn't as bad.

I've grown to learn to pick up calls, but it isn't enough. There are times when I receive phone calls by saved numbers in my contacts and I still fear answering them. You ask why? I have no answer to that - I just do. 

Instance 7: Try many, many methods to get rid of it

The funny part about this video is that social anxiety is depicted as an annoying yet cute croc, where you get to kick it into a river, stuff it into your closet and throw all sorts of things at it. Oh boy, if only life were that interesting - I would've done more things than that.

But in real world news, I've tried many things to try and get rid of this social anxiety problem. Of course, before I knew I had it, I thought I just had a problem with public speaking, so I made sure I trained myself in that department. I even went through so many leadership workshops and took up many leader roles. But guess what? The croc's still here and it ain't leaving.

Instance 8: It gets sickening and it ain't leaving, ever

After all your efforts trying to get rid of it, it gets a bit sickening to know its always there - to stop you from doing things, to annoy you for the rest of your life. No matter what you do, its still going to be there, ruining your life bit by bit.

It can be overwhelming at one point of time, because everything you do seems to be halted and disturbed because of social anxiety. And knowing the fact that this crocodile will never ever leave can be pretty terrifying and daunting. It practically is a huge reminder that your life will never be same again. Some might not take it well, some might still be hanging on by a single thread. But eventually, it will get to them when it gets severe and normal daily functioning becomes dysfunctional. And that's a fact.

Instance 9: Lesson learnt - live with it

It definitely took me a while to get used to the fact that there was something wrong with me, especially when I found out it was social anxiety this whole time. I thought it would be a hindrance to my daily life - which it actually is. But I gradually learned not to look at it in a negative light, that it was a disorder, a disability that hindered me from meeting new people.

The crocodile in this video was just a little sweet innocent thing, trying to somehow protect the woman from many things, somehow show concern for the woman. It never meant harm to her, it just was worried for her. Same thing with social anxiety, you overthink about things too much when you're supposed to worry about for only a minute before trying it out.

Conquering this crocodile can't be through violent means - just like forcing the thoughts out by many means or trying to distract yourself through pain by whatever means. What strike me the most from the ending of this video is when the woman said 'Don't worry' to the crocodile. 

In real life, she would basically be telling herself not to worry about it. To me right now, it seems absurd. I've done that hundreds of times in front of the mirror, and it never worked because it would just overwhelm me, no matter what. But I figured it will take some time before I would be like the woman here - where I can just simply tell my crocodile 'Don't worry' and everything will go smoothly afterwards. And I believe that day will come soon, with plenty of patience and perseverance as well as a strong heart & mind.

I've completely strayed away from what I intended to write, which was an analysis of the video, and ended up with a personal reflection. But I really hope this video educates other people about this anxiety disorder. It is such a refreshing way to teach people about it, the animation isn't that bad, the graphics are stunning, the characterization is superb as well. And most importantly, the message is clearly portrayed.

I shall edit this blogpost another time because I reckon there's plenty grammar mistakes everywhere. Thanks for reading!


Izzie x

T a k e t h e p l u n g e .

Sweaty hands. Numb feet. Rapid breathing. Woozy in the head. A weird feeling in the tummy.

What is this feeling?

I am still sitting on the edge of my bed, yet I’m looking at the view from a rooftop of a tall skyscraper in the heart of Manhattan city.

How did I end up here?

The wind is vicious here, the angry sun baking my bare shoulders up high from behind and the clouds seem to be floating nearer and nearer to me. It was a beautiful day and the skyline of the city was almost breathtaking. This is not excitement I’m feeling – this is fear.

Why am I feeling this way?

My feet hung precariously close to the edge of the building and I could feel the edge of the concrete building with the tips of my toes. My hands still grasped the bedsheets underneath me like it was my lifeline. It was as though I could tumble off the building by a small gust of wind and plunge down the depths of whatever human activity is below.

Am I supposed to take the plunge?

Slowly lowering my gaze below the stunning horizon before me, I took a peek at the bottom, my hands still tightly clenching the comforter underneath. The roads were like a maze and every sort of vehicle filled every space. People walked down the pavements on the sides of the road at different paces. Some walked slowly, some were rushing, some bumped into each other. The sight of so much activity overwhelmed me and I straightened my back, taking a deep breath, just realizing I haven’t been breathing the whole time.

What am I supposed to do now?

Suddenly, there was a buzz from my bed and I turned to my left to see my phone, receiving a call. I am still in my room. I am still in my sanctuary. There was no vicious wind, there was no angry sun, there was no humongous cloud floating inches from my face. I am still in my room.

I looked at my phone for a good minute until the call was missed. A text came two seconds later and extending a shaky hand out, I held the phone and read the text.

Are you coming for the reunion?

Reunion. Friends. Old friends. Old lovers. Acquaintances. Enemies. Frenemies. Friends who turned their backs on you. Lovers who betrayed you. Best friends who saw the worst of you. History. Past. Past events. Events that changed you. Changed you for the worse, for the better. Events that broke relationships. Broken relationships with old friends. Friends who are coming to see old friends after some time. Will the broken bond mend itself back? What if it was never meant to be? Were all the memories gone to waste? Were they ever worth the fight? The ones who stayed are the ones who matter. Don’t fight for those who left you behind. And don’t disappoint the friends who stuck by you. Be a great friend and go for it.

I looked up and there it was again – the stunning blue sky, the ginormous fluffy clouds, the blazing sun at the back, the ferocious wind trying to pry me off the bed and down the terrifying depth below. I closed my eyes and took a minute to breathe slowly. After I regained my breaths, I opened my eyes to my room once again and replied the text message:

No. You have fun with the rest.

And this was not the first time it ever happened.

---

In commemoration of World Mental Health Day (10 Oct), I thought I'd write a little short story about my 'first' anxiety attack, I'm not entirely sure if this is the first, but it is definitely the first that I can associate with anxiety. I just recently found out that I have symptoms of social anxiety but I've yet to seek professional help.

I'm just glad that when I found out about this, I already have a community of other sufferers that I can turn to. Even if I don't end up being diagnosed with this disorder, at least I know how it feels like to have a mental illness and how to help someone if they're having a panic attack or somewhere along the lines.

Have a great day!

Izzie x