Goodbye 2014

It is undoubtedly that time of the year, where we transit into a brand new year. Though it is just like any other night, where the clock strikes midnight in every respective timezone on Earth, it is a meaningful one to many.

To some, it may seem ridiculous because it is just like any other night. It's not like a new year would mean a new day that would bring snow upon the sunny shores of Singapore the next day. Nothing special. Ditto.

I admit, the past years I was one of these people. The past years is the same old thing. "Oh, please. The next year is going to be the same thing. Just school, same old same old." Not anymore.

Next year is the year of changes. I will graduate from polytechnic and from school overall. I will enter the workforce officially. I will embrace adulthood with the big number 2 at the front of my age figure. These are honestly huge milestones all packed in one year. Heck, maybe in one month even.

I'm not one who takes change very well. That's the autistic part of me. But of course, throughout the almost two decades of my life, I've learned that change is good, no matter how uncomfortable that change is. Change signifies the beginning of something new - positive or negative. It is up to oneself on how they take out of that life-changing experience. Some take it bad, some take it light-heartedly, some take it on a happy note.

2014 was full of changes as well, no denying about that. I stepped down from my main committee of my cca in the beginning of the year. I started internship shortly afterwards, which, I must say, took up almost half of the year, and I solely commit to working at my internship school and work on the final year project (FYP). After internship ended, I got a job just before the new semester started, which was a huge life-changer, because I am not one who is good at managing my time well. But because of this part-time job alongside a school semester, I get to polish those skills up and make sure I can juggle my commitments well.

Many more things happened in between those huge life events aforementioned, but I prefer not to bring light upon them because of personal reasons. If you're reading this and know that there were more life milestones that I achieved in the year, you are an important part of my life and I thank you for going through or witnessing those milestones with me.

 My 2014 was without a doubt one hell of a bumpy roller-coaster ride. So many things happened and I felt many emotions with it. It wasn't particularly the best year of my life, not that I do have one, but I couldn't have asked for a better 2014. I will only see the good in what happened and not let the bad get to me.

Regrets, all of us have them and I'm not exempted. I had plenty this year, some so great that I could break down because it shows how much of a sissy, a coward, a chicken I am. But heck, I'm not gonna let them get to me. I already let them last night and that is the last I will ever see of them because 2014 is over. All the nasty regrets of 2014 will be stuffed in a bag of trash and thrown into a garbage truck where they will be incinerated into ashes for good. I don't need those regrets and I don't have time for them either.

Undoubtedly, there will be a new set of regrets for this new year but I'm not gonna wait for those regrets to come. Oh hell no. This is a new year full of change, so I will make the best of it. I will wait for opportunities to come, or better still, I will go forth and seek for opportunities that will make me a better and happier person because that is what I want for myself. Call me selfish, but self love is important too, my friends.

All in all, I'm happy 2014 is coming to an end. I'm excited to put an end to this final chapter to this book and I'm more than thrilled to start on a new chapter in 2015. Thank you for reading this long ranting post on how my 2014 went and I hope you have a wonderful New Year's.

Cheers,
Izzie xoxo

Taking a chance. (Oct 5th)

Just a couple hours ago, my aunt who lives in the states Skype-called me to talk to me about some things. One, she’s sending my favourite tea leaf bags through air mail because Mighty Leaf tea does not ship to Singapore, sadly. Just so you know, their “Green Tea Passion” green tea is bloody amazing, you have no idea! (And its light caffeine!) So yay for more good tea!

But on a more serious note, the second thing was that she wanted to talk me into coming over to her place. She has been doing this for a very long time now, ever since I was still in my pre-teens. Back then, it sounded ridiculous - I couldn’t find enough time to travel there and I could never save up that much money while studying in mainstream government schools. But now, at 19, and graduating in less than 6 months, the idea seems more vivid and workable.

Of course, the idea of graduation is extremely daunting. 6 months is not that long and before you know it, I’ll be in my graduation robes and receiving my diploma. But what do I do after that? I’ve been running away from that dread of making huge life decisions in that near future, but I know I cannot run away forever, or even hide from it. Eventually, it will come knocking on my door and beat some sense into me, saying

"When the hell are you gonna start getting a life for yourself? You’re better than this!" 

Now, I’ve been through many transitions in my 19 years of life. Kindergarten to primary school to secondary school to polytechnic. Yeah, been there, done that. But you have to agree with me that those are very petty issues compared to this one where its transitioning from school to work life. Maybe its just me, but as a person who doesn’t deal with change very well, its a pretty big deal.

And because its a big deal, I’ve never really sat down and thought about what I would do once I’ve graduated.

Will I continue working for the company I interned for?
Will I continue studying into university?
Will I get married?
Will I find some other field of career?
Will I be happy? 

These questions haunt me whenever I try to think about the dreaded ‘After Graduation Plans’. But running away isn’t going to work forever.

That is why when I had this talk with my aunt, about going over to the states and looking at the opportunities a foreign country brings, my view widened. I’ve been tormented with depression-like symptoms over the past few weeks and my outlook on life hasn’t been looking so great. But now that someone has pried into and past my barriers and showed me the possibilities of the what the world has in store, it honestly feels refreshing. It feels like there is a chance for me to find my potential, my passion, my self. My aunt also said something that was really an eye-opener:

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." 

I don’t know what the future brings, and it can be daunting at times. Yeah, graduation means you have to start work life, you have to be a responsible adult, you have to make plenty life decisions. But graduation can also mean diving into all the opportunities that the world brings and discovering something new about yourself. There are plenty of daunting things that will stop you from doing something, but all you have to do is take a chance and trust yourself.

Take things slow, do them wholeheartedly and believe. 

Whether or not I take this chance totally and make it to the end, which is to purchase a flight ticket to Ohio with all my savings, I don’t know. No one knows what the future will bring, but I’ve always believed that you can control which lane you’re taking in that expressway called life: the half-assed lane or the full-throttle lane. Ultimately, its your choice, its your life.

Thanks for reading <3

Izzie x