GAMESTART 2014 (26 Oct / Day 2) | GAME HEAVEN!

Greetings, adventurers!

Has it been a great weekend for all? I hope so, because it certainly has been a blast for me. But yes, the time has come where I lay down my unsettling thoughts - awesome and not-so-awesome - down to words for the world to read. (Sorry this took so long - I had a crappy vlog to quickly edit and not forgetting, school! Blegh).

If you have been keeping up with the world of conventions in Singapore, you would have known about GameStart 2014, which was held from 25-26 October at Singapore Suntec Convention & Exhibition Centre. Check out their facebook page here for more details (because that's just way easier for me and you, no?): GameStart Asia

So I went for GameStart on the second and last day (26 October, Sunday) and of course I went with my lovely bae Kize King. We didn't fully cosplay because we came for the games, so of course we needed to wear something that's comfortable to walk in crowds. Hence, we opted these cute matchy and cheeky batgirl outfits. We did a photoshoot with these outfits beforehand and you can look them up here: http://itsjustizzie.blogspot.sg/2014/10/first-photoshoot-gamestart-2014-preview.html. Halfway through, we dropped the masks because they were just being annoying.

I'd like to make a note here that I wasn't in tiptop condition - I was sick with a blocked nose and a splitting headache as well as a disgustingly nasal voice. But hey, I came despite feeling so horrible and I had a great time.

Our day started with us all decked out in our getup and with our one-day tickets, we received our wristbands and entered the event hall. It was just one hall and the mood felt exactly like when you enter a lan/gaming shop - the lighting was extremely dim and the only lights came from the stage and various booths everywhere. For someone with night blindness, it was very challenging for me to move around. Not five minutes into the event hall, I was already bumping into people.

As a gamer, especially a fresh one, it was literally a game heaven. Looking at all the gaming stations and all the games they featured, it was enough to send me over the moon and back. We visited every booth but we didn't manage to try out many of the booths because almost every spot was taken by other gamers, which was a huge bummer.

There wasn't much to do at the booths, except playing the games or watching others play the game. So throughout the day, we just walked through the event hall then exited and then we'd enter the hall again in hopes to find something interesting to do. Around these times, we were searching for cosplay friends or cosplayers with interesting cosplays inside and outside of the event hall.

HOW ADORABLE IS THIS PIKACHU CUTIE!!

this Cloud cosplayer is gorgeous, i love it so much!

At this point of time, we were already on the hunt for Sempai4Lyfe aka S4L. If you have yet to watch the vlog on my YouTube, or if you have and you are confused with what was going on, here's the backstory: Basically, Kize King has a cosplay sempai that she has been infatuated with for a really really long time, long before we started cosplay even (and that's a good three years). And this sempai, which we are going to call S4L, came for GameStart as well. And we tried so hard looking for S4L, up and down, left and right, in and out but he never appeared anywhere. Kize was not amused by the fact that she didn't get to get a selfie with her S4L but I was having a lot of fun as a third party. So this happened for the entire day, until the end of our day in the evening, so I do not wish to repeat this for the entire blog.

Now that I've cleared that up, let's move on with our day. While walking around, we bumped into our good friend, Rayray Tigercub, who is by far the best Deadpool cosplayer that I've met. And the sweetest one too. For Rayray, that day was a big one because he was participating in the cosplay competition, and Kize and I were obviously rooting for him like hardcore fangirls. Read on to find out how he fared in the competition.

After bumping into Deadpool many times and still tirelessly hunting for S4L, we went in back to the event hall and we joined the stage crowd for the showcases. The first showcase we joined was the Bloodborne game showcase. It is a new game, with amazingly beautiful graphics and sound systems. The gameplay is interesting too, and the producer (who's from Japan) actually led us through until they reached the final boss, where he actually managed to kill it at the end. It is definitely a game Kize and I will try on her PS3 but we'd never play it at night - else we'll shit bricks with all the spooky characters and setting.

After Bloodborne, we went for the "Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution" showcase, where gamers had a duel with the producer of the game (who cutely dressed up as Naruto). Of course, Kize and I were squealing every time somebody chose an awesome character, especially if both the characters had a special meaning pertaining the anime.

Right after that, it was the cosplay competition. There were many cosplayers who were so talented, whether in craftsmanship or in entertainment, but I have major respect for those with huge props that are perfectly crafted. We waited patiently and then Rayray came on and he KILLED IT! He was amazing on stage as Deadpool, it was like literally seeing the real Deadpool doing the nonsense that he always does. If you haven't watched his performance, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK7ZPxjK9c8

And guess what? He won the Best Stage Performance title! How awesome is that?! Kize and I were obviously over the moon squealing and screaming in joy for our dear friend. Did I mention he said he was nervous before the competition? Watch that video and tell me that's bullcrap.

Now, right after Rayray's performance, both Kize and I had to leave immediately for the loo. And this is where things get even more interesting, especially for me. Kize and I were already flustered from screaming so much for Rayray during his performance as we were leaving the event hall, and upon stepping out of the exit, there were some guys standing just outside and one caught my eye. Only one name popped into my head but I was like 'No, that can't be him... Can it?'

By this time, I was turning back to look at the said guy, who I exchanged an awkward eye contact moment just moment before while all these thought processes cranked around in my head. I asked Kize but she was confused because she doesn't play Dragon Nest. Now you must be wondering who it is, don't you?

Now, for me to actually go up to someone who is like a sempai figure, it usually takes me at least 3 tries. (I have social anxiety, its challenging for me to go up to people in general). But you know what? I just stuffed social anxiety into the cupboard, locked it up and just went for it. I went back my steps and tapped his shoulder and asked "Hi, are you Adriano Wong?" I was not expecting to say "Yeah" with A SMILE! OMG I COULD DIE MY HEART WAS ABOUT TO BURST OUT OF MY CHEST. Then I asked if I could take a picture with him and he was okay with it. While I was trying to control my overflowing euphoria, I realized he was so confused like as though he was thinking "Why is this chick with cat ears asking for a picture with me, and how does she know me?" And so I told him I played Dragon Nest and he was like "Oh! Addison is here too!"

MY RIBCAGE WAS CRACKING FROM MY SWELLING HEART. If you're not up to date with Dragon Nest SEA, Adriano Wong is one of the popular Game Masters in the game - he's also known as GM Adriano - and Addison Kang is the producer of DN SEA. THAT IS NO JOKE. I literally saw these important men of my favourite online game of all time BY CHANCE! How lucky could a girl get.

Right after we snapped a picture, I thanked him (I hope I did) and fled to the ladies and my hands were shaking and my legs felt like jelly. If you're wondering why I'm making such a huge fuss about this, as a girl gamer, you don't find such a good-looking gamer like GM Adriano all the time. I'd like to call him a hot geek gamer, and not just a gamer, he's a GM too. I thought it would take me years to finally meet these dudes, because I'm still not pro enough to attend the gatherings and parties. But hey, I guess luck was on my side on that day.

After visiting the loo and unsuccessfully calming myself from that once in a blue moon encounter, we returned to the event hall to reunite with Rayray and took some selfies with the champion!

After that, we just went around playing at some booths that were free because the crowd started dissipating. It didn't last long because time was running out and S4L has not been found yet.

Finally, I managed to convince Kize that it was just not meant to be and that she'd have her revenge during AFA. And that is how our day ended. It was a hectic day, as you can see, coming from my position. I tried my best to organize everything the best of my capabilities, but if its messy, I humbly apologize. If you haven't watched my vlog, watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KBRo6FiqJU

I hope you enjoy reading my personal account of my first experience at GameStart. Kize and I had a blast and we'll definitely go for the next one in 2015. Can't wait! Can't wait!!


Thank you for reading this post! Till the next event blog, take care!

Hoshi Miharu x

'In Between' | A metaphor for social anxiety

Well, hey there rainbow sprinklers! I did not plan to write this blog post or anything like that. It was a normal evening and I was scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard when I came across this particular post. As it is titled, it says "The blue crocodile in this short film is one of the best metaphor for depression". However, the GIFs following that did not coincide with my knowledge of depression.

Now, I do not have long-term depression, but I do have them at some times every month - its a girl thing. So I understand what depression feels like, and it definitely isn't like what was depicted in the visuals. However, I must say that I relate closely to every single GIF and that's when I realize - the crocodile is a metaphor for social anxiety.

(I must add, though, that some people associate the crocodile to shyness as well. I have no objections with that, but for this blog post, I have a heavy preference towards social anxiety.)

So now, I'm gonna explain intricately on why I love this video so much, and why it is a very educational film at that.

What is the film about? 

The film is named 'In Between' by Gobelins, a film production crew that originates from France, I assume. As stated in the description box, the video is about "a young woman (who) is being followed by a crocodile who represents her shyness. As he makes her life a living (hell), she tries by every means to get rid of him."

How is it a metaphor? 

Instance 1: You can't get rid of it 

The start of the video, after the woman was diagnosed of having a "crocodile", she tried to get rid of it by throwing it out of the window/balcony. Oh boy, if only it were that easy - I would have been a social bug right now, making many great new friends easily.  I've thrown my crocodile out the window so many times for the past 10 years and its still here. It's not going anywhere. It's staying with me for life, and I've come to terms with it.

Instance 2: It follows you everywhere

Now, this imagery is so strong and I really love it. I already find it annoying when someone or something is constantly on your tail. So to have such an annoying thing like social anxiety constantly breathing down your neck, it will affect your daily life and it does eventually. What happens in this GIF here is only just the tip of the iceberg.

Instance 3: It affects your presentations 

Yes, yes, I know. All of us have this. It is very common for everybody to get very nervous and sometimes anxious during presentations, especially towards superiors.  But for those with social anxiety, no matter how prepared you are, no matter how many courses you take in presentation skills, the crocodile is there to muck up your presentation, whether or not you can see the crocodile.

 know it sounds crazy, but as someone with social anxiety, we are constantly pressured and stressed about people's judgments and presentations are the last things we enjoy doing. And then we also have to deal with our social anxiety that constantly throws us off throughout the whole presentation. And it doesn't only happen for presentations - public speaking, stage performances, etc.

Instance 4: Trying to make an impression to a cute person

I cannot stress how true this is. There were plenty - and by plenty, I mean PLENTY A LOT - of times when I've wanted to approach people that caught my eyes, whether they were cute or not but guess who tried to screw me up? You guessed it, bloody social anxiety.

Now, this is pretty normal to many, considering its normal to be nervous when approaching strangers, right? But with social anxiety, you'll be dead in your tracks, staring at the person from afar and your mind raging with negative thoughts, overthinking about the other party judging you for your mistakes or your stumbles or your looks or you - the list can go on. To put it bluntly, social anxiety can be a cockblocker.

Instance 5: Social anxiety controls you when you're out in public 

This part was really short in the video but it is the most accurate of all - I just cannot stress how important this part was. This is when the crocodile constantly made circles around the woman while she was having coffee by herself at a cafe.

Now, before I continue, I am also an introvert - I greatly value solitude. I've been in many situations where I am always alone amongst a bunch of other sociable people. Don't get me wrong - I am not anti-social, I can talk to people just fine. But sometimes it can get overwhelming and I would prefer having some alone time to 'recharge'. Introverts will understand this trait very well.

So because I love solitude, doesn't mean I despise interacting with new people. I love meeting new people, but when the crocodile is on a rampage it stops me completely. And if you look closely, the woman has a very bored look. Trust me, I get sick of my crocodile controlling my social activities outside.

Instance 6: Picking up phone calls

To some, this may seem very absurd. Even when I think about it, I can't even explain myself how this works, but it happens.

Before I knew I had social anxiety, I've always had this fear of picking up phone calls - plainly because I was afraid of the person at the other end of the line judging how I sounded on the phone. I still do but it isn't as bad.

I've grown to learn to pick up calls, but it isn't enough. There are times when I receive phone calls by saved numbers in my contacts and I still fear answering them. You ask why? I have no answer to that - I just do. 

Instance 7: Try many, many methods to get rid of it

The funny part about this video is that social anxiety is depicted as an annoying yet cute croc, where you get to kick it into a river, stuff it into your closet and throw all sorts of things at it. Oh boy, if only life were that interesting - I would've done more things than that.

But in real world news, I've tried many things to try and get rid of this social anxiety problem. Of course, before I knew I had it, I thought I just had a problem with public speaking, so I made sure I trained myself in that department. I even went through so many leadership workshops and took up many leader roles. But guess what? The croc's still here and it ain't leaving.

Instance 8: It gets sickening and it ain't leaving, ever

After all your efforts trying to get rid of it, it gets a bit sickening to know its always there - to stop you from doing things, to annoy you for the rest of your life. No matter what you do, its still going to be there, ruining your life bit by bit.

It can be overwhelming at one point of time, because everything you do seems to be halted and disturbed because of social anxiety. And knowing the fact that this crocodile will never ever leave can be pretty terrifying and daunting. It practically is a huge reminder that your life will never be same again. Some might not take it well, some might still be hanging on by a single thread. But eventually, it will get to them when it gets severe and normal daily functioning becomes dysfunctional. And that's a fact.

Instance 9: Lesson learnt - live with it

It definitely took me a while to get used to the fact that there was something wrong with me, especially when I found out it was social anxiety this whole time. I thought it would be a hindrance to my daily life - which it actually is. But I gradually learned not to look at it in a negative light, that it was a disorder, a disability that hindered me from meeting new people.

The crocodile in this video was just a little sweet innocent thing, trying to somehow protect the woman from many things, somehow show concern for the woman. It never meant harm to her, it just was worried for her. Same thing with social anxiety, you overthink about things too much when you're supposed to worry about for only a minute before trying it out.

Conquering this crocodile can't be through violent means - just like forcing the thoughts out by many means or trying to distract yourself through pain by whatever means. What strike me the most from the ending of this video is when the woman said 'Don't worry' to the crocodile. 

In real life, she would basically be telling herself not to worry about it. To me right now, it seems absurd. I've done that hundreds of times in front of the mirror, and it never worked because it would just overwhelm me, no matter what. But I figured it will take some time before I would be like the woman here - where I can just simply tell my crocodile 'Don't worry' and everything will go smoothly afterwards. And I believe that day will come soon, with plenty of patience and perseverance as well as a strong heart & mind.

I've completely strayed away from what I intended to write, which was an analysis of the video, and ended up with a personal reflection. But I really hope this video educates other people about this anxiety disorder. It is such a refreshing way to teach people about it, the animation isn't that bad, the graphics are stunning, the characterization is superb as well. And most importantly, the message is clearly portrayed.

I shall edit this blogpost another time because I reckon there's plenty grammar mistakes everywhere. Thanks for reading!


Izzie x

First photoshoot! | Gamestart 2014 Preview

Greetings, ice-cream cupcakes!


So the other day, I went for my first photoshoot. If you knew me from the start, you would know that this is a huge shocker. Like HOLYSHITIWENTFORALEGITPHOTOSHOOT shocker. For me, this is something really big. This is not just a step out of my comfort zone - it is a huge-ass frog leap. Of course, this isn't entirely an uncomfortable leap out, because I had my best friend, Kize King, with me during the photoshoot. 


We had the amazing chance of working with not one, but two awesome photographers: Nathan Rein and David Goh. They were extremely nice and polite during the entire afternoon, which I'm very very grateful for. Talented and skilled, they also are if we're talking about them as photographers. This, however, wasn't exactly a cosplay photoshoot. It was a test shoot - and for us, Kize and I, to understand better how each photographer worked.


As you can see, the outfit for this photoshoot isn't exactly cosplay either - I'd call this a getup. Of course, if it isn't obvious enough, we're dressed up as batgirls - of course, our own rendition. We didn't base it off any fanart or whatever - it was just our spontaneous idea while shopping for clothes one ordinary day. If it looks similar to anything out there, it is purely coincidental.


I don't have much to say about the photoshoot - just that it was so physically draining. The heat in Singapore is no joke, and it was in the middle of the day. It was a good thing we had bottles of water prepared for continuous hydration. One thing I have to say, though, is that I get dehydrated very easily and my lips get dry even more easily. And thing is, I wore a matte red lippie - that is not the best combination.



Well, other than all of that, I had a great time at the photoshoot, going to different places at Bishan Park for all the amazing backdrops and settings. Here are all my favourite shots from the photoshoot:

Here's some bonus unmasked:

See you at GameStart on 26 Oct! 

Izzie (Hoshi Miharu) x