Everybody has their own story to tell. I have quite a handful of my own that I want to share but today, I shall unfold a personal story of how I became the person who I am right now.
Change is a beautiful thing, that many are grateful for and many repulse at. Because change can be pleasant or unpleasant, or both at the same time.
Everybody changes. Every single living thing on the face of the Earth has gone through a phase/many phases in their lifetime where they experience change - physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, environmentally, etc. We've all been through some sort of change, and I'm pretty sure, we've all experienced many changes in our lives.
While all of us have experienced change some point(s) in our lives, not many of us transformed. I couldn't help but wonder if I actually went through a transformation, but when I look back at the past decade, of who I was ten years ago and who I am today, I went through a heck of transformation.
And it ain't even a cool thing like being a Transformer (of course, you need to be a machine made of metal parts to be one, so I don't make the cut). It almost frightened me at how much I changed over the years.
This isn't going to be a weird and creepy story where the past ten years I slowly turn into an alien or vampire or mythical being. No. Although being a hippogriff would be amazing, there's nothing too drastic in this transformation story. This is simply a story of how a geeky nerdy girl who doesn't believe in being lady-like grew to be a decent lady who cares about her presentation to others. (I know, very cliche.)
As a young teenager at the age of 13, I was a lover for books. I loved going to the library and I would hoard all the Young Adult fiction novels and read them all day and night wherever I go. I was also very mad with pop music. I was a big fan of Fall Out Boy from the age of 10 (and still am, ten years on) but I was a bigger fan of the K-Pop industry. Yes, I worshiped all these suave pretty South Korean pop idols at one point of time.
Moving on from my past interests, I had very very terrible eyesight, which stemmed from my irresponsible habit of reading in low-lighting and watching TV really closely. Among my friends, I had the thickest glasses and at that point of time, I loved wearing frameless spectacles so everybody could see how bloody thick they were. (They were so bad that every year I had to change them and my degree increases by 1.00!)
Also, I was a pretty versatile girl, in a way that I find myself having a tomboy personality on most days and some days I wanted to feel a little cuter (like girls my age were supposed to be). Of course, I felt the most comfortable in my almost-tomboy self (I say almost because I love doing what boys do but I still wanted to remain a girl). Now that I think about it, I was most probably gender-fluid.
One thing that I want to highlight - I was totally against prettying up. As simple as replacing glasses with contact lenses to wearing light makeup, I disliked it, especially when my best friends do it. There was a time in primary school, I was 11 or 12, I made my best friend (at that time) cry because she wore contact lenses for class photo-taking and I absolutely hated it. Quick note, from present me, I hate 12-year-old me for doing that and would've given myself a straight uppercut for hurting my friend's feelings and not apologizing.
Of course, as I grew up, I grew out of that phase slowly and became more open-minded about all my girl friends trying to make themselves pretty. But I was stubborn and thought "what's the point of putting on makeup when true beauty comes from within?" You have to agree with me, I had a point but still, I was a knuckle-head.
Now that you know quite a lot of young Izzie, let's continue the journey of growing up. This journey consists of two parts - before the age of 17 and after the age of 17. Basically, if you hadn't inferred enough from that, 17 was the age where I started changing quite a lot, appearance-wise and morale-wise.
Up until the age of 16, right before I graduated secondary school, the year of my national examinations, I was still a 'sneakers, hoodie & baggy shorts' kinda girl. After I graduated, I started to try new things. Quick note, I have been trying a lot of things - like dresses, skirts, tight tops, heels. I wouldn't say that I didn't like them, but young Izzie would've said "This isn't me."
When I got into polytechnic, I was still kind of the same nerdy girl - thick glasses, baggy hoodie, jeans, sneakers and a camouflage-coloured backpack. Yeah, those were the days. As the days, weeks and months go by, I learned a lot of things and one of it is that first impression counts.
Of course, 16-year-old Izzie wanted everyone to know that she was a hardcore nerd who loved to scroll through Tumblr and watch K-Pop music videos in lecture and has a very tomboyish fashion style. And she did succeed in that, but at the same time, she wanted to change things a little.
So I tried wearing skirts to school whenever I had presentations, and then I wore them as a part of a normal outfit. I wore a little tinted lip balm and then started wearing sheer-coloured lipsticks on a daily basis. I would wear tighter tops, low-neck tops, crop tops. I would even carry tote bags instead of backpacks.
I would admit, this is slightly due to peer influence. I see all these girls in my class, lectures and campus wearing really nicely and I thought, "Why not try and give effort into my daily outfit?" And I tried, but I just couldn't commit every single day. But I had to admit, after all that trying, it felt good to wear something that made you feel confident. At that point, nothing made me confident so I went for what was comfortable - hoodies, sneakers and shorts.
OI admit that half of me wanted to fit in. I've always been the kind of girl who wanted to be different but at the same time, blend in with the wallpaper (and in fact, I still do). Yeah, I know, I'm insane for wishing for that to be true. But that is how stubborn and introverted I am. Even up till now.
So anyways, I slowly wore dresses to school, I carried handbags, I wore flats, put on eyeliner but I still had my glasses. Those babies stay. I've been subtly wearing nicer things to perk up my appearance a little, but doing even more whenever there are graded presentations.
Oddly enough, its the words of compliment and praise - whenever I dress up for a certain event or wear something I normally don't - that motivated me to try even more new things. Most of the time, they compliment how good my legs look whenever I wear a short skirt, or even skinny jeans, which I get very often. I don't take compliments well so I got quite sick of it but I appreciate the thoughts nonetheless.
Moving on to my final year internship, where I got to be an assistant teacher at a school for the intellectually disabled, I started to try get into makeup. Prior to this internship, I attended a compulsory professional grooming workshop and they emphasized a lot on makeup so that you have a good impression to your colleagues and to others.
So by makeup, I meant I just wore concealer, powder, eyeliner and even an eyebrow pencil. I still had my glasses on and I wore sneakers to work because its comfy. I didn't wear fanciful makeup because come on, I was just an intern teacher. Just enough to get by so that my colleagues don't think that I'm a sloppy person.
After internship, I had one last semester in polytechnic and I decided to get a part-time job while studying. It was a retail staff, particularly a fashion jewellery retail store. If you haven't figured it out already, yes, I have to dress up for this job - and that is dress up fancy-schmancy.
What's more I got located in the heart of town, Orchard, where you see so many fashionable people strut their styles freely. Mind you, by this time, I had already watched plenty of lookbooks and fashion haul videos on YouTube that I had a storage of style inspirations in my brain.
And this is where many people witnessed the drastic change in me (by people, I mean friends who've been with me before I got this job). I wouldn't say it was drastic because I didn't dress up to school like how I do for work - because that would be an eye-opener and a head-turner.
But people have already seen how I look like during work when I post pictures on Instagram. Week after week, my style improves - fashion-wise and makeup-wise. On some days, when I'm feeling more confident, I'd wear more eyeliner to school, even some jewellery, but on most days, I still prefer to just wear comfortably in my hoodie, shorts and sneakers. But on days when I feel good, I'd add a notch into my styling.
That is where I am today. Thanks to the fashion retail job, I took 'prettying-up' to the next level. Even my 10-year-old me would be repulsed to know that she would become this in the next decade.
But it is the best change ever. I saw myself change into a proper lady, appearance-wise at least. I do still walk, stand and sit like a man (sometimes) but at least I'm more self-conscious about how I look.
Of course, when I wore makeup for work, it was a compulsory thing. But out of work, I wore it to feel good about myself. I don't wear makeup to impress other people. Heck, I don't just wear dresses, pretty skirts, jewellery and all these shenanigans to catch other people's eyes. This ain't no 'sempai notice me' drama.
I do it because I feel confident when I'm prettied up. I do it because I fell in love with makeup. I get to be creative everytime I have work or an occasion to attend to and my face is the canvas. I get to try new things and learn more about my face, my facial features and my skin.
Not just makeup, its the same for my fashion style. I learned about which styles suited me and which don't. I learned about which hideous clothes I needed to trow out and which ones I needed to have as wardrobe essentials.
I learned the bizarre difference between comfortable and confident. Ultimately, we all want to be comfortable and confident at the same time. But to get there, you need to get out of your comfort zone to try new things so that you can be confident in whatever it is you want to be confident in.
In the end, hopefully, comfort and confidence will feel as natural as your skin.
---
Hope this post goes out to anybody who is going through a change and is confused about what is going to happen next. Whatever the change is, explore new things and learn more about yourself. Figure out what you want and who you want to be - what is comfortable to you. Then, make the change and be confident about it.
Lots of love,
Izzie
Moving on from my past interests, I had very very terrible eyesight, which stemmed from my irresponsible habit of reading in low-lighting and watching TV really closely. Among my friends, I had the thickest glasses and at that point of time, I loved wearing frameless spectacles so everybody could see how bloody thick they were. (They were so bad that every year I had to change them and my degree increases by 1.00!)
Also, I was a pretty versatile girl, in a way that I find myself having a tomboy personality on most days and some days I wanted to feel a little cuter (like girls my age were supposed to be). Of course, I felt the most comfortable in my almost-tomboy self (I say almost because I love doing what boys do but I still wanted to remain a girl). Now that I think about it, I was most probably gender-fluid.
One thing that I want to highlight - I was totally against prettying up. As simple as replacing glasses with contact lenses to wearing light makeup, I disliked it, especially when my best friends do it. There was a time in primary school, I was 11 or 12, I made my best friend (at that time) cry because she wore contact lenses for class photo-taking and I absolutely hated it. Quick note, from present me, I hate 12-year-old me for doing that and would've given myself a straight uppercut for hurting my friend's feelings and not apologizing.
Of course, as I grew up, I grew out of that phase slowly and became more open-minded about all my girl friends trying to make themselves pretty. But I was stubborn and thought "what's the point of putting on makeup when true beauty comes from within?" You have to agree with me, I had a point but still, I was a knuckle-head.
Now that you know quite a lot of young Izzie, let's continue the journey of growing up. This journey consists of two parts - before the age of 17 and after the age of 17. Basically, if you hadn't inferred enough from that, 17 was the age where I started changing quite a lot, appearance-wise and morale-wise.
Up until the age of 16, right before I graduated secondary school, the year of my national examinations, I was still a 'sneakers, hoodie & baggy shorts' kinda girl. After I graduated, I started to try new things. Quick note, I have been trying a lot of things - like dresses, skirts, tight tops, heels. I wouldn't say that I didn't like them, but young Izzie would've said "This isn't me."
When I got into polytechnic, I was still kind of the same nerdy girl - thick glasses, baggy hoodie, jeans, sneakers and a camouflage-coloured backpack. Yeah, those were the days. As the days, weeks and months go by, I learned a lot of things and one of it is that first impression counts.
Of course, 16-year-old Izzie wanted everyone to know that she was a hardcore nerd who loved to scroll through Tumblr and watch K-Pop music videos in lecture and has a very tomboyish fashion style. And she did succeed in that, but at the same time, she wanted to change things a little.
So I tried wearing skirts to school whenever I had presentations, and then I wore them as a part of a normal outfit. I wore a little tinted lip balm and then started wearing sheer-coloured lipsticks on a daily basis. I would wear tighter tops, low-neck tops, crop tops. I would even carry tote bags instead of backpacks.
I would admit, this is slightly due to peer influence. I see all these girls in my class, lectures and campus wearing really nicely and I thought, "Why not try and give effort into my daily outfit?" And I tried, but I just couldn't commit every single day. But I had to admit, after all that trying, it felt good to wear something that made you feel confident. At that point, nothing made me confident so I went for what was comfortable - hoodies, sneakers and shorts.
OI admit that half of me wanted to fit in. I've always been the kind of girl who wanted to be different but at the same time, blend in with the wallpaper (and in fact, I still do). Yeah, I know, I'm insane for wishing for that to be true. But that is how stubborn and introverted I am. Even up till now.
So anyways, I slowly wore dresses to school, I carried handbags, I wore flats, put on eyeliner but I still had my glasses. Those babies stay. I've been subtly wearing nicer things to perk up my appearance a little, but doing even more whenever there are graded presentations.
Oddly enough, its the words of compliment and praise - whenever I dress up for a certain event or wear something I normally don't - that motivated me to try even more new things. Most of the time, they compliment how good my legs look whenever I wear a short skirt, or even skinny jeans, which I get very often. I don't take compliments well so I got quite sick of it but I appreciate the thoughts nonetheless.
Moving on to my final year internship, where I got to be an assistant teacher at a school for the intellectually disabled, I started to try get into makeup. Prior to this internship, I attended a compulsory professional grooming workshop and they emphasized a lot on makeup so that you have a good impression to your colleagues and to others.
So by makeup, I meant I just wore concealer, powder, eyeliner and even an eyebrow pencil. I still had my glasses on and I wore sneakers to work because its comfy. I didn't wear fanciful makeup because come on, I was just an intern teacher. Just enough to get by so that my colleagues don't think that I'm a sloppy person.
After internship, I had one last semester in polytechnic and I decided to get a part-time job while studying. It was a retail staff, particularly a fashion jewellery retail store. If you haven't figured it out already, yes, I have to dress up for this job - and that is dress up fancy-schmancy.
What's more I got located in the heart of town, Orchard, where you see so many fashionable people strut their styles freely. Mind you, by this time, I had already watched plenty of lookbooks and fashion haul videos on YouTube that I had a storage of style inspirations in my brain.
And this is where many people witnessed the drastic change in me (by people, I mean friends who've been with me before I got this job). I wouldn't say it was drastic because I didn't dress up to school like how I do for work - because that would be an eye-opener and a head-turner.
But people have already seen how I look like during work when I post pictures on Instagram. Week after week, my style improves - fashion-wise and makeup-wise. On some days, when I'm feeling more confident, I'd wear more eyeliner to school, even some jewellery, but on most days, I still prefer to just wear comfortably in my hoodie, shorts and sneakers. But on days when I feel good, I'd add a notch into my styling.
That is where I am today. Thanks to the fashion retail job, I took 'prettying-up' to the next level. Even my 10-year-old me would be repulsed to know that she would become this in the next decade.
But it is the best change ever. I saw myself change into a proper lady, appearance-wise at least. I do still walk, stand and sit like a man (sometimes) but at least I'm more self-conscious about how I look.
Of course, when I wore makeup for work, it was a compulsory thing. But out of work, I wore it to feel good about myself. I don't wear makeup to impress other people. Heck, I don't just wear dresses, pretty skirts, jewellery and all these shenanigans to catch other people's eyes. This ain't no 'sempai notice me' drama.
I do it because I feel confident when I'm prettied up. I do it because I fell in love with makeup. I get to be creative everytime I have work or an occasion to attend to and my face is the canvas. I get to try new things and learn more about my face, my facial features and my skin.
Not just makeup, its the same for my fashion style. I learned about which styles suited me and which don't. I learned about which hideous clothes I needed to trow out and which ones I needed to have as wardrobe essentials.
I learned the bizarre difference between comfortable and confident. Ultimately, we all want to be comfortable and confident at the same time. But to get there, you need to get out of your comfort zone to try new things so that you can be confident in whatever it is you want to be confident in.
In the end, hopefully, comfort and confidence will feel as natural as your skin.
---
Hope this post goes out to anybody who is going through a change and is confused about what is going to happen next. Whatever the change is, explore new things and learn more about yourself. Figure out what you want and who you want to be - what is comfortable to you. Then, make the change and be confident about it.
Lots of love,
Izzie
